It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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