Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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