Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize