Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
