Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
