You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
