I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
