if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
