Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
