I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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