Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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