like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
