At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
