it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
