You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
