you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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