That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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