Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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