There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
