I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
