i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
