I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
