We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
