I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
