Sry I called you an 8
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize