Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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