I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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