so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize