and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
