Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize