Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
