I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize