I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
