STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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