That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
