his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
