Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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