I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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