dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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