Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
