I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
What a dumb baby whore.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
