Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
