sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
