Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
