I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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