god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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