i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
sex in a hospital.. check
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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