The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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