you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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