I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize