yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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