So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
