Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i think my cat just said my name.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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