get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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