Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
