I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
