Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
