Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
