The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Holy sore nipples Batman
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
