the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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