If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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