too bad you live with your parents still
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
