I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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