My first STD was from a foam party
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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