Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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