and you said cock pushups were impossible
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
