Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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