Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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