Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
