Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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