So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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