so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
