mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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