No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize