I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
