I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
