i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
