I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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