You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
